Top Ten

Starla's top 10 reasons not to surround your house and yard with 50-100-year-old oak trees:

10. Acorns


9. The size of the mulch pile that never seems to decrease because it's made up almost entirely of oak leaves, which take about 30 years to biodegrade, and acorns, which apparently never do.

8. Big acorns

7. The bunker mentality one enters when the sound of acorns pelting down from on high and hitting the metal roof on the house creates the sounds of an artillery target zone

6. Little pointy acorns

5. The tiny caterpillars that rappel down by the hundreds from the oaks in the summer--even the county extension people don't know what they are--and that probably feed on acorns

4. Chenilles, which is what my husband calls the lame-o "flowers" oak trees produce, precursors of acorns, which, if not raked (like one is some serious OCD patient) will mat in the rain and create a walking surface much like that of a greased cake pan.

3. The need, aside from one's normal OCD needs, to rake acorns because it becomes impossible to walk across the acorn-studded grass, which is akin to walking on marbles--even in shoes it's not fun.



2. Injuries caused by acorns rocketing down from 60-80 foot trees any time a breeze stronger than 2 mph blows

And the number one reason not to surround your house and yard with 50-100-year-old oak trees:

1. The insult of being hit by an acorn while raking said objects



I'm thinking maples.....