Next project

I have FINALLY finished the work on Marley & Me for the Readers Radio (I think that's what it's called). Gadzooks, what a loonngg process! You cannot imagine how boring it is to listen to yourself over and over and over and over. This is the best-edited work I've done and it came out alright.

Now I have to write the final report for the grant I did the application for; this is a completely different organization from the Readers Radio. My interest is flagging because I'm butting up against an ego that's pretty big and I'm not sure I'm interested in continuing. Meanwhile, I've just become treasurer and the organization has operating funds of nearly $20K, so I can't back out. I'll do my three years and then I'm out, I'm pretty sure.

Other projects: a polar fleece outfit for Courtney; Dots (candies) pj's for Kaitlyn--very cute fabric, a bed jacket for me (although I don't read in bed a lot recently--maybe I'll take it up again if I can be warm). Then it'll be off to Florida. Yay!

I'm all done with Borders and that's good. I'm really uncertain if I'll do it again next year. It surely isn't for the money, and this year it was a bit odd: I was assigned to the calendar kiosk almost all the time--probably because I could be relied upon to come in early enough to open (7:30 was a bit rough, but I did come in reliably)--and that is a one-person operation. Both good and bad: totally on my own, good, but no one to talk to and no way to sit down for hours, not so much. Luckily they got a cushion-y rubber mat to stand on or my feet/legs would've given out. Today was my last day, and I'm very okay with that.

Going to bed; it's 2 a.m. and that's tooooooo late. That editing kept me going until now; 1 1/2 hr. break at dinner but I've been at this since 4 p.m. Egad.

G'nite.

Just today

I worked my penultimate day at Borders today. I was assigned to the calendar kiosk again today. I just can’t think of the word I want; it wasn’t “assigned,” but rather the word that connotes being banished, because the kiosk is a one-person realm and it is so boring it’s almost beyond belief. Even when the sales are steady, there is no one to talk to in between customers (or in brief asides afterward), so I arrange the calendars and rearrange them and straighten them and ignore them, and work an NYTimes Sunday crossword or double acrostic puzzle. Truly really boring.

But I get to text Jenny, the only person I know who is able to receive/read texts while I’m at work too. And I feel like a teenager when I text, so it’s fun for me. But only one day left means that I probably won’t think to text Jenny during the day. Maybe.

I’m in a great frame of mind tonight and I think it’s because I only have one day left at Borders. I remember it feeling like this last year. It’s pretty wise of myself, I’m thinking, to set Dec. 31 as my end date. I look forward to New Year’s Eve for several reasons as a result!

Which brings me to a whine. Bruce does not like New Year’s Eve. He hates the idea of drunks out on the road and is really negative about the night as a result. I don’t probe too deeply as to why it is such an anathema. But we don’t even go to a friend’s, so why is it such a problem? I gave him a bit of a hassle about this tonight. I usually buy a split of champagne—even on New Year’s Eve he won’t drink more than a swallow or two, and we are already home, for crissakes! I’ll buy the split again this year, but … yippee. Oh, yeah, I should constrain my enthusiasm. You get the point.

So positive things, positive things. Our trip to Florida is not all that far away now. The worst of winter is beginning—the snow today was very wet and heavy but not too deep. And the idea of not being here for the end of the misery is so attractive; I’ll definitely live through the interim!

So I’ll be around. Good night.

Quiet Christmas

It’s about 7 p.m. on Christmas and I’m relaxing with a nice big glass of merlot. We just finished a dinner of ham, mashed rosemary potatoes, corn, fresh fruit salad, whole wheat rolls, and key lime cheesecake. Delish. The dessert is a little non-traditional, I realize, but who the hell says I have to follow someone else’s traditions? Bruce will eat whatever whenever so tradition means little around here. And most of the time, I don’t mind that. When I do mind, I follow whatever tradition I need. It works.

Talking to my daughters was a delight today. Of course, I wish I could see them in the flesh but I do, just at a different time of the year. And if I pause long enough to stop mental whining and think about it, that means I have Christmases at those other times. The visits—here or there—are always gifts for me. I haven’t yet talked to my stepdaughters, but I’m guessing they’ll call tonight.

Tomorrow I’ll really have to apply myself to my editing. I’m at a point that I really dislike: I have to make all the tapes that I’ve already edited down from their original 30 min. recording time into 55-minute episodes that include a 45-second break, and wind up with an even number of episodes, if at all possible. So I experimented a bit with “deleting silence” in them, but I don’t know enough about the settings so that resulted in silences between sentences being eliminated, but not necessarily those betweeen phrases. Aargh. So I’m listening to the last tape ( I fervently hope) that I have to add silences to. (And I want NO snotty thoughts about the difficulty of adding silences to Carla. Clear?) Listening to myself is eternally boring (this means I’m learning what YOU have lived through all these years; you have my deepest sympathy!) but it’s absolutely necessary. And I guess it’s not such a bad idea to listen to the episodes before I turn them in, something I haven’t done in the past; I’ve managed to catch at least 5 places where I’d somehow left in the “read again” comment I make when I know I’ve made an error. So while it’s very tedious, the process means I’ll get a quality product, one I really will be proud of.

Christmas was kind of a non-event here this year. I decorated and we have a tree and all, but my seasonal cheer was at probably an all-time low. I don’t think I’m depressed or anything. I just had to hear canned Christmas music for far too long. And the stint at Borders left me by myself in the calendar kiosk: no one to make snide cracks to or to hear about their college life from. I don’t think I’ll do Borders next year and I’m guessing I’ll feel a lot more like Christmas.

But I received some nice gifts, and I do have the love of my family and friends. I hope your Christmas was as good as mine.

New computer

Well Merry Christmas to myself. I just got a new computer, a big, heavy laptop that has not too many bells & whistles. I got it mainly to take to Florida in March and therefore I got one big enough for Bruce to use. He says he doesn’t plan to go online at all while we’re in the Sunshine State, but he’s so used to spending pretty much his whole morning at the computer: on his “board” (an amazingly active bulletin board for fly rod fanatics) and eBay. I spend far less time connected than he does!

So this is a Dell Inspiron 1750. I wanted a 1720 but they were unavailable … anywhere, even at Dell. This cost the same and has a bigger screen. Nice for the graphics quality but it makes for a BIG laptop! It also has Windows 7 which seems, so far at least, to be an actual improvement to XP. This blog, for example, is one of the options on the dock (yes, it copied that from the Mac), which means I may actually write here more often.

For those who suggested I get a Mac, you’re probably right. But the one program I hope to use portably is my editing program for the audio tapes I make for the vision impaired. I would have had to buy the entire program in a Mac version and even then my tapes would probably not be compatible with those at the recording studio, which is all pc. So I’m sticking with Bill (Gates, that is).

I’m not going to write much more. I would like to get into the habit of writing here. And if it remains sporadic, I’d like to get to the less than widely-scattered-sporadic level, whatever that may be. Irregular, maybe?

So Merry Christmas to all who read this. It’s almost 3 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I hope your heart is happy.

Been Awhile

So I haven't been here for awhile. I'm not sure I can say I've been busy. It seems that the very short posts on Facebook have taken precedence. That's actually not good. They embody the "sound bite" idea and discourage people from really spending time expressing themselves. I think they might be competing with Twitter, although I've never been to or looked at Twitter, so I could be entirely wrong. Anyway, the sound bite seems to be replacing the paragraph in just casual online writing and that is definitely less than good. So anyway, I'm back.

One of the reasons for my presence is that I had an interesting conversation a few days ago. An acquaintance who I hadn't seen in a long time asked what I'd been doing the last little while (i.e., a year) and I had to stop to think. I realized that what I'd done for most of 2009 is be ... a full-time mom. I was a full-time mom for one year, the 1st year in P'burgh, but otherwise was working full-time and mom-ing the rest of the time. I went to half-time from '82-'85, so I was with the girls much more of the time, but never home full time except for that one year. And then again in 2009. And this time I have 4 girls to deal with: 2 stepdaughters in addition to my 2 daughters. There were cases of depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, pregnancy-induced hormones, emergencies of abrupt closings of homes, situations of NOT closing on homes, major moves across country, emotional crises, fallout of some of the above, etc. Think of that "etc." as in the King & I, with Yul Brenner saying, "Et cet-era, et cet-era, et cet-era." So now I don't feel so guilty about what I've "accomplished" in the last year.

What people who are working don't realize is that a life does not depend on what you "accomplish" in a year. Retired people begin to understand that "production" is not necessary. It was a slow realization for me. (I'm guessing this is true for others.) But I now know that my life is not lived in an ant colony where not producing means elimination. I "accomplish" things by devoting my time to helping a child--or step-child--get through a momentary situation where I truly can contribute. I can contribute time doing something or time listening and counseling. What's neat is that I don't care whether the girls take my advice or not. They're all adults. They make their own decisions. I can give them advice from my age-superior vantage point. But my life experience doesn't match theirs, so my advice may not obtain.

So anyway, realizing that made me feel much better. I really haven't "done" much. I haven't added to my garden, I only adjusted; I haven't created a lot of pieces either sewing or doing x-stitch, but my hands can't take a lot and I've learned to accept that; I started with the Oratorio--now Champlain Valley Voices--but couldn't perform at the concert because I missed too many rehearsals, but I'm becoming the Treasurer so there. It's been a full year even if I don't have a lot to put on paper about it.

Enough philosophizing.